


stop flooding my notifs

by hunnyfics



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I'm not funny, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, Texting, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28935465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunnyfics/pseuds/hunnyfics
Summary: Germany: sshut th ecuck uphot as hell: ecuckspider bitch: i understood a quarter of that sentencetma chatfic because i'm tried, gay, and lonely
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 21
Kudos: 100





	1. the worst names ever

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to make it clear that this fic does not follow canon, here are some things to note:
> 
>  **1**. tim, sasha, daisy and other dead charas are alive here !!!  
>  **2**. michael and helen are siblings and they both use it/its (helen is a femme enby)  
>  **3**. gerry works in the archives  
>  **4**. plot stuffs will happen and nobody will die  
>  **5**. @rysttle's coworkers au is canon here!! (after elias and michael were marked)  
>  **6**. gerry and michael are REALLY SALTY about losing elias so they bully jonah all the time
> 
> will add more stuff in later chapters in case i miss any !!
> 
>  **admiralrights** = jonathan sims  
>  **K** = martin blackwood  
>  **stoner** = tim stoker  
>  **sashalami** = sasha james  
>  **Elias** = elias bouchard  
>  **spider bitch** = annabelle cane  
>  **OSTRICH** = nikola orsinov  
>  **vastard** = mike crew  
>  **germany** / **books** = gerry keay  
>  **єιgнтн ωσиdєя** = michael shelley  
>  **H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** = helen richardson  
>  **hot as hell** = jude perry  
>  **die** = oliver banks  
>  **wormies** = jane prentiss

avatars gc 

11:23 

[ **Elias** has added **admiralrights** to avatars gc] 

**Elias** : Just thought you should join us, Jon. 

**admiralrights** : Huh ? 

**spider bitch** : why is he here 

**vastard** : honestly i didn't recognize him at first like what the fuck kind of user is admiralrights 

**admiralrights** : [A picture of a ginger cat, curled up and asleep on a pink couch with light rays shining on its fur. It looks very peaceful.] 

**admiralrights** : His name is The Admiral, my roommate's cat 

**vastard** : i take it back he deserves all the rights 

**OSTRICH** : AND THE LEFTS! 

**penis** : still a weird name coming from the archivist himself, i expected a Jonathan instead 

**wormies** : But it's still better than yours, gerry 

**admiralrights** : Gerry? 

**penis** : FUCK 

[ **penis** changed his nickname to **Germany** ] 

**vastard** : ew capital g 

**Germany** : sshut th ecuck up 

**hot as hell** : ecuck 

**spider bitch** : i understood a quarter of that sentence 

[ **OSTRICH** changed **Germany** 's nickname to **germany** ] 

**OSTRICH** : THAT'S BETTER! 

**admiralrights** : Gerry are you not supposed to be working now ? 

**germany** : jon please 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : since we're on topic of names can we talk about how horrible annabelle and jude's names are 

**spider bitch** : speak for yourself helen "hallway wife" richardson 

**hot as hell** : FUCK YOU AND ALSO mike's name is really ew 

**vastard** : what's wrong with it? 

**spider bitch** : everything 

**vastard** : you are hurting my feelings 

**OSTRICH** : AND **@germany** TOO! PLEASE PICK A BETTER NAME! 

**germany** : you literally helped change it 

**OSTRICH** : I DID NOT! I WAS CORRECTING A SIMPLE MISTAKE! 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : correct **@hot as hell** 's name rn 

[ **OSTRICH** changed **hot as hell** 's nickname to **HOT SHIT** ] 

**HOT SHIT** : HUH???? 

**vastard** : HOT SHIT JSJJFJHD 

**admiralrights** : that's even worse 

**spider bitch** : i think it suits her 

[ **HOT SHIT** changed her nickname to **hot as hell** ] 

**hot as hell** : fuck you annabelle 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : not as bad as **@die** tho 

**die** : die 

**wormies** : Can you all stop fighting :( 

**spider bitch** : i think we can all agree that jane, **@єιgнтн ωσиdєя** and **@OSTRICH** have the best names though 

**wormies** : Yay ! 

**die** : agreed, i love lemon demon 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : :] 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : i don't like the fancy font 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : :[ 

**vastard** : i don't like that face 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : :( 

**hot as hell** : i don't even like you 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : :'( 

**germany** : DHFSFHS STOP BULLYING MICHAEL 

**vastard** : nikola's name is just a bird 

**OSTRICH** : YOU WET SOCK! 

**spider bitch** : weT SOCK-- 

**wormies** : Can we agree that **@Peter** and **@Elias** have the worst names though 

**vastard** : yes. 

**OSTRICH** : OH ABSOLUTELY! 

**die** : one hundred percent 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : definitely 

**hot as hell** : damn right 

**germany** : if jonah didn't exist elias would probably set his name to weed eater or pot brownie 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : or even "lettuce" :] 

**germany** : ^^can confirm 

**Elias** : I hate you all 

**admiralrights** : So far i'm enjoying it here 

**wormies** : :D

* * *

jon gossip group

12:57 

**sashalami** : is it just me or is jon a little jumpy today? 

**stoner** : nono you're right, something's going on 

**K** : you don't think he saw a ghost, do you? 

**stoner** : i was thinking of spiders 

**sashalami** : that makes sense 

**books** : what do you think happened anyway? 

**sashalami** : if he saw a spider in his office he could just stay in the breakroom 

**K** : i'll go make him tea now :) 

**stoner** : now that i think about it, has anyone even seen jon? 

**sashalami** : i'm at lunch break 

**K** : actually? not really 

**books** : we texted about hour ago but i haven't seen him since 

**sashalami** : texted about what? 

**books** : he was added into a groupchat i'm in and watched us get into an argument about our nicknames 

**K** : i, too, would start an argument over tim's name 

**stoner** : yours is just a letter 

**books** : well it's not as bad as sasha's so you two can go just fine 

**sashalami** : ok books 

**stoner** : LEAVE SASHA OUT OF THIS 

**K** : i didn't mean our groupchat nicknames, i meant our usernames. 

**K** : i mean, "clowns_are_straight" is really,,, ew,, 

**sashalami** : LMAO YEAH HIS USER SUCKS 

**stoner** : HOW COULD YOU 

**books** : i like it 

**books** : the problem is martin's user 

**K** : what's wrong with it :( 

**books** : just saying spider tea is not tasty,, 

**stoner** : sash your name is not any better 

**sashalami** : yes it is 

**stoner** : "smartwizard" it's so bland 

**sashalami** : better than yours anyway 

**K** : ok but gerry what's up with yours,,,, 

**stoner** : "fuck_jurgenleitner" ?? 

**books** : it's very personal 

**sashalami** : om..... 

**sashalami** : i just went into our work gc and 

**sashalami** : jon's username is admiralrights 

**stoner** : the admiral? the cat? 

**K** : THAT'S ADORABLE OMGG 

**sashalami** : SKJDJDJDJF HOW DID WE NOT NOTICE 

**stoner** : IKR IT'S SO CUTE 

**books** : our boss is good sometimes 

**K** : oh heck i just saw him 

**K** : he came out of elias's office 

**K** : giving him tea now 

**sashalami** : hope he likes spider tea 

**K** : NOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i'm aware this is very cringe


	2. tasty foods !!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **stoner** : am having lunch
> 
>  **stoner** : boss let me go early B)
> 
>  **sashalami** : you pissed him off didn't you
> 
>  **stoner** : it was ONE SPIDER PUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **admiralrights** = jonathan sims  
>  **K** = martin blackwood  
>  **stoner** = tim stoker  
>  **sashalami** = sasha james  
>  **books** / **fuck_jurgenleitner** = gerry keay  
>  **OSTRICH** = nikola orsinov  
>  **wtghost** = georgie barker

**wtghost** to **OSTRICH**

12:02 

**wtghost** : hey can you help me buy some food for Jon? 

**wtghost** : he hasn't been eating a lot lately and i'm worried about him 

**OSTRICH** : OF COURSE! WHAT SHOULD I GET! 

**wtghost** : anything edible 

**OSTRICH** : ALRIGHT! 

**wtghost** : thanks!!

* * *

jon gossip group 

12:23 

**K** : did i just hear a crash and then screaming from jon's office 

**K** : wait nvm the screaming stopped 

**K** : just to be clear there were two voices screaming, one of them has to be jon 

**books** : implying you can't recognize his voice 

**stoner** : implying you've never heard him scream 

**sashalami** : implying you've never heard him in fear, pain, or agony 

**K** : i think we should focus on WHO BROKE INTO HIS OFFICE 

**stoner** : am having lunch 

**stoner** : boss let me go early B) 

**sashalami** : you pissed him off didn't you 

**stoner** : it was ONE SPIDER PUN 

**books** : oh yeah did you guys know we're getting a new hire in a few days 

**books** : asking because i know you don't read elias's emails 

**sashalami** : nope. excited to meet them tho !! 

**stoner** : hope they know exactly what they're signing up for 

**K** : look i am happy about the news but CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK ON TOPIC 

**K** : THERE IS SOMEONE IN JON'S OFFICE 

**sashalami** : oh yeah lol 

**sashalami** : hold on

* * *

Workhives 

12:27 

**Sasha** : Hey Jon is everything okay? 

**Jon** : ALL IS WELL! 

**Martin** : Alright. 

**Gerry** : Wait a minute. 

**Gerry** : nik is that u 

**Jon** : PLEASE DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS! THAN,K YOJDHHDVFX X ,.v 

**Jon** : Sorry about that, connection issues. 

**Jon** : Everything's fine. 

**Martin** : Of course, boss. 

**Tim** : ?? ??????

* * *

**fuck_jurgenleitner** to **OSTRICH**

12:30 

**fuck_jurgenleitner** : nik did you break into the fucking institute 

**OSTRICH** : AND WHAT IF I DID? 

**fuck_jurgenleitner** : you can't just do that,,, you've never even met any of them 

**fuck_jurgenleitner** : how did you know where jon's office is anyway? 

**OSTRICH** : GEORGIE GAVE ME DIRECTIONS! 

**fuck_jurgenleitner** : alright, just don't hurt the guy jgddjdjhf 

**OSTRICH** : :O)

* * *

jon gossip group 

12:33 

**books** : HAHAHHAHAHA MY FRIEND IS IN HIS OFFICE 

**books** : I RECOGNIZE THAT TYPING QUIRK ANYWHERE 

**K** : is that what it's about? 

**stoner** : excuse me?? 

**sashalami** : how did they break in?? jon's office is on the 2nd floor??? 

**books** : yeah,,,, just ignore it 

**K** : if you say so,,

* * *

**OSTRICH** to **admiralrights**

18:41 

**OSTRICH** : JUST TO BE SURE! THIS IS NIKOLA, IF YOU ARE JON PLEASE SAY SOMETHING! 

**admiralrights** : . 

**OSTRICH** : HELLO JON! 

**admiralrights** : How did you get my number 

**OSTRICH** : I ADDED MYSELF IN WHEN YOU WERE EATING! 

**admiralrights** : Wonderful 

**OSTRICH** : SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY? 

**admiralrights** : Decent 

**admiralrights** : A clown broke into my office and started screaming in my ear 

**OSTRICH** : HOW FUN! 

**admiralrights** : The food was delicious, by the way 

**admiralrights** : Did you make it yourself? 

**OSTRICH** : YUP! THANK YOU! 

**OSTRICH** : I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT, I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPLIMENTS :O) 

**admiralrights** : May I ask how did you get in? 

**OSTRICH** : NO! 

**admiralrights** : Okay then 

**OSTRICH** : YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP! TURN OFF AUTO CAPS! 

**OSTRICH** : OR TALK IN ALL CAPS! 

**admiralrights** : I'm fine just typing like this 

**OSTRICH** : TOO BORING FOR MY TASTE! 

**admiralrights** : is this better? 

**OSTRICH** : YES! VERY! 

**OSTRICH** : I HAVE REALIZED JUST NOW THAT WE HAVE NEVER FORMALLY MET YET! 

**OSTRICH** : WE SHOULD SCHEDULE A MEETUP! 

**admiralrights** : i don't even know who you are 

**admiralrights** : you just barged in with food and forced me to eat 

**OSTRICH** : I AM FRIEND OF GEORGIE BARKER! 

**OSTRICH** : SHE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU LUNCH! 

**admiralrights** : ...how thoughtful 

**OSTRICH** : PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND STOP WORKING TOO MUCH! 

**OSTRICH** : TAKE BREAKS! DRINK WATER! HAVE NAPS! 

**OSTRICH** : AND LOOK AFTER YOUR SKIN! 

**admiralrights** : i'll try 

**OSTRICH** : YOU'RE VERY IRRITATING! 

**OSTRICH** : WE NEED TO MEET! 

**OSTRICH** : LET'S GO TO THE PARK! THIS SATURDAY! 1:00PM! 

**admiralrights** : why should i refuse. georgie will take the admiral away from me 

**OSTRICH** : GOOD! 

* * *

jon gossip group 

09:02 

**sashalami** : jon's not feeling well so he won't be here today 

**stoner** : guess we have the place to ourselves 

**K** : i wonder why he's sick :( 

**sashalami** : he texted saying he ate bad food 

**books** : really? i haven't seen him eat in a while 

**K** : now i'm worried :( 

**stoner** : hey, why don't we take him to that new cafe tomorrow? 

**stoner** : the moomin cafe 

**stoner** : my friend went there yesterday, she said it was really good 

**sashalami** : i don't see why not 

**sashalami** : sure 

**K** : me too! 

**books** : i'm down 

**sashalami** : now we hope jon won't refuse or i'm bringing a knife 

**K** : can't wait!!

* * *

**wtghost** to **OSTRICH**

09:24 

**wtghost** : Nikola what the fuck did you make him eat


	3. ice cream and friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **books** : what about jon 
> 
> **sashalami** : we don't know 
> 
> **stoner** : this means he's homophobic 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **admiralrights** = jonathan sims  
>  **K** = martin blackwood  
>  **stoner** = tim stoker  
>  **sashalami** = sasha james  
>  **books** = gerry keay  
>  **wtghost** = georgie barker

Workhives 

18:39 

**Sasha** : Jon, do you mind if I give a statement tomorrow? 

**Sasha** : If you'll make it to work, that is. 

**Jonathan** : Of course.

* * *

jon gossip group 

18:41 

**sashalami** : do y'all mind if i talk here for a bit 

**K** : no!! not at all!!! 

**stoner** : do whatever you want to 

**sashalami** : okay,,,,well,,,, 

**sashalami** : i'm being followed 

**stoner** : huh?? 

**sashalami** : there's this tall scarecrow guy 

**sashalami** : they keep following me around and they're super creepy 

**sashalami** : everywhere i go, i see them 

**sashalami** : and i just saw them after leaving the archives 

**sashalami** : i'm home now but i'm worried,, it's been a few days 

**stoner** : shit. i'm coming over 

**stoner** : cya in a bit 

**K** : i'm really sorry. we'll try to see what we can do 

**books** : if you need anything we'll always be here, alright ? 

**sashalami** : thanks :')

* * *

jon gossip group 

12:00 

**stoner** : operation take care of our boss is in 30 minutes 

**stoner** : if all goes well, we could get ice cream 

**stoner** : maybe even a moomin plushie 

**sashalami** : ICE CREAM!!!! 

**books** : I WANT A LITTLE MY PLUSHIE 

**K** : don't we have to come back before 2? what if we get late? 

**stoner** : i'll bribe elias with cake 

**stoner** : that bastard LOVES cake 

**sashalami** : mmmmmmmok 

**K** : in the meantime, sash have you given your statement yet? 

**sashalami** : i have !! he was nice about it too 

**sashalami** : he offered me to finish early 

**sashalami** : which i humbly declined 

**books** : omg jonathan simp 

**sashalami** : LMAOAHSHDHHFHFHS 

**K** : i-- 

**stoner** : NOooooOOOO 

**stoner** : im ur simp :( 

**sashalami** : always <3 

**books** : ew straighties 

**stoner** : i'm literally the most bisexual person here 

**K** : the only other bisexual person here is sasha 

**sashalami** : what are yalls sexuality 

**K** : gay 

**books** : gay 

**sashalami** : gay 

**stoner** : gay 

**books** : what about jon 

**sashalami** : we don't know 

**stoner** : this means he's homophobic 

**K** : nOOOOO 

**K** : be nice to him :'( 

**stoner** : and here we have The Jonathan Simp™

* * *

**admiralrights** to **wtghost**

13:21 

**admiralrights** : georgie 

**admiralrights** : georgie my coworkers peer pressured me to go to this new cafe with them 

**admiralrights** : georgie please 

**wtghost** : Shit Jon I almost didn't recognize you without auto caps 

**wtghost** : and that's good!! i think you should start calling them friends from now on 

**wtghost** : don't refuse or try to go away. enjoy your time with them 

**admiralrights** : please just look 

**admiralrights** : [Picture of a tall black woman with round glasses hugging a giant plush that is almost taller than her. It looks very soft and fuzzy.] 

**wtghost** : OU MY GOD 

**wtghost** : WOW 

**admiralrights** : gerry insisted he buy one for all of us 

**admiralrights** : they're so soft i think the admiral would like them 

**wtghost** : OH MY GODDD 

**wtghost** : YOUR FRIENDS ARE SPOILING YOU TODAY 

**admiralrights** : they even gave me rum and raisin ice cream 

**wtghost** : keep them 

**wtghost** : i will murder you if you don't 

**admiralrights** : i expected this to be horrible but i'm having the most fun in a while 

**admiralrights** : i don't think i've ever been this happy 

**wtghost** : awwwe good for you jon!! 

**wtghost** : i'm so proud of you 

**wtghost** : :D

* * *

jon gossip group 

14:23 

**stoner** : SOOO 

**stoner** : IS IT JUST ME 

**stoner** : OR IS BOSS HAPPIER THAN USUAL TODAY 

**sashalami** : I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM LAUGH BEFORE OMG 

**K** : guys his SMILE!! HE SMILES 

**books** : jon and happiness don't go well together 

**stoner** : okay but the instant we walked back to the institute he returned back to normal 

**K** : you were trying SO HARD not to laugh 

**sashalami** : he went from "um yeah!! i was in a band before (,,•́ ᄇ •̀,,)" to "Hello Rosie, hope you had a good lunch." 

**books** : hey tim the plushies are in your van right? 

**stoner** : yeah dude i'm driving all of you home remember? 

**books** : heck yeah 

**K** : speaking of the plushies 

**K** : did you guys,,, see his face,,,, when he hugged them 

**K** : hhhghghghghghff im soft 

**books** : martin on his simp era :/ 

**K** : it's not my fAULT HE WAS SMILING!! 

**sashalami** : did any of you notice how nice he was tho,, 

**sashalami** : especially to martin 

**books** : martin we saw the way you looked at him when he rambled about the admiral 

**books** : got something to share ? 

**K** : shut 

**stoner** : oh right 

**stoner** : so i asked jon about his sexuality, right? 

**stoner** : he's asexual biromantic !!!! 

**sashalami** : martin :) 

**books** : that doesn't change the fact that he's homophobic :) 

**K** : NOOOO HES BI HE CANT BE HOMOPHOBIC 

**sashalami** : i think elias is married to a guy 

**sashalami** : and he's STILL homophobic 

**stoner** : elias is gay and homophobic, much like jon 

**books** : agreed. 

**K** : NOOOOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wholesome content for yall :D


	4. party time B)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **brodyquest** : can i have alcohol 
> 
> **die** : no callum you're 13 
> 
> **brodyquest** : i hate this fucking groupchat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **admiralrights** = jonathan sims  
>  **spider bitch** = annabelle cane  
>  **OSTRICH** = nickolas orkinsov  
>  **vastard** = mike crew  
>  **germany** = gerry keay  
>  **єιgнтн ωσиdєя** = michael shelley  
>  **H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** = helen richardson  
>  **hot as hell** = jude perry  
>  **die** = oliver banks  
>  **wormies** = jane prentiss  
>  **spiral of ants** = jordan kennedy  
>  **brodyquest** = callum brodie  
>  **BONES** = jared hopworth

avatars gc 

14:02 

**vastard** : who's down to go partying tonight 

**vastard** : pls i'm bored and lonely 

**die** : yeah man i'm down <3 

**vastard** : thanks bro 

**OSTRICH** : ONLY IF JANE AND HELEN ARE COMING! 

**wormies** : I'm down! 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : same 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : parties aren't my thing 

**germany** : but i'm going D: 

**germany** : don't leave me alone :'( 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : hhh i change my mind 

**spider bitch** : i'm going 

**hot as hell** : ^^^ 

**vastard** : yay 

**vastard** : that's almost everyone here 

**vastard** : peter and elias arent invited 

**die** : **@admiralrights** **@spiral of ants** **@brodyquest** **@BONES** **@Breekon** **@Hope** ? 

**vastard** : give them time 

**Breekon** : Did someone ping me and Hope? 

**spiral of ants** : And me :T 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : mike wants to know if you're coming to his party tonight 

**Hope** : What time? 

**Breekon** : And what theme? 

**vastard** : 8pm 

**vastard** : theme uhhhhh nothing i just have alcohol and movies 

**vastard** : we're gonna watch ratatouille and maybe the lorax and cinderella

**BONES** : Do you have any non alcoholic drinks? 

**vastard** : nnnnnmmmm i have 14 apple juice boxes 

**BONES** : Alright, I'm going. 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : oh good! i'm not gonna drink any alcohol 

**wormies** : me neither!! 

**spiral of ants** : Oh you have alcohol? 

**hot as hell** : yup! 

**spider bitch** : h i just realised 

**spiral of ants** : Yeah,, sorry i'm not going 

**spider bitch** : it's alright

**Hope** : We will be there. 

**die** : hey if you can 

**die** : bring some empty cardboard boxes please 

**die** : helen and michael like sitting in them 

**Breekon** : Got it. 

**spider bitch** : w 

**spider bitch** : why 

**die** : they function like cats 

**OSTRICH** : CAN CONFIRM! 

**OSTRICH** : THEY PURR LIKE STATIC! 

**germany** : hugged michael once and hair went on my clothes 

**wormies** : One time helen and i were raiding the institute together it smiled like :3 instead of :) 

**vastard** : not to mention their hands are like cat claws 

**hot as hell** : they also go apeshit when she sees laser pointers 

**spider bitch** : this is wonderful information why didn't any of you tell me earlier 

**vastard** : i mean?? it was pretty obvious 

**H̶͈͝ä̶͈́l̷̯̆l̵̯̐w̴̰̐ą̵̔y̵̪͆ ̶̱̇W̴̨̆ī̶̮f̵̮̋e̶̫** : woah really? 

**brodyquest** : can i have alcohol 

**die** : no callum you're 13 

**brodyquest** : i hate this fucking groupchat 

**vastard** : not sure i want a 13 year old coming to the party 

**brodyquest** : BUT YOU'RE JUST WATCHING MOVIES :C 

**germany** : why don't we invite him? jared michael and jane aren't drinking so they can look after him 

**germany** : plus i don't think he needs to terrorize any more children 

**vastard** : mmm alright 

**hot as hell** : non alcohol drinkers do you have experience in handling children? 

**brodyquest** : i'm not a fucking child i'm 13 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : don't baby callum guys he can handle himself !! 

**єιgнтн ωσиdєя** : i'll make sure he doesn't get into trouble though 

**wormies** : My worms are my children :D 

**BONES** : No, but I can try. 

**spider bitch** : perfect ! 

**Elias** : What is this about a party? 

**vastard** : elias you are not invited. 

**Elias** : Didn't want to go anyway. 

**admiralrights** : Elias why do I hear loud crying from your office? 

**die** : AKSJJJSJS WE HURT HIS FEELINGS LMAO 

**vastard** : hi jon !! wanna come to our party? 

**admiralrights** : No, sorry I'm kind of busy 

**vastard** : don't apologize man it's alright 

**admiralrights** : You're not gonna kill me? 

**die** : yes we are. but not because you don't want to come to our party 

**hot as hell** : we hate you, but we're not gonna cross your boundaries 

**spiral of ants** : Yeah that's a really asshole thing to do 

**admiralrights** : Thanks :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's 3 people with lemon demon nicknames babeyyy B)
> 
> also for reference: ants die in alcohol and jordan is very protective of his ants


End file.
